I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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