I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
