every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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