I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
