My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
