did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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