We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ugly people sure do ruin things
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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