How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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