Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
vagina is talking i cant
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
