I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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