Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
