before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
