well I can't set my house on fire every night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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