do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
