you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Boobs are out for the taking
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
