She is in my trunk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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