A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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