Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
