Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
