No, you can still breathe under the balls.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
