i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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