you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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