If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
