First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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