Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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