You're my little dorito
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
