We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
