Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
