I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
