Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
