when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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