Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
