Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
