I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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