dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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