he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
