if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
