My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your penis caused this!
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