The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
