I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
