I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
