I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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