He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
