Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
