If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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