very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i now understand why vodka
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize