Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
