"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
