and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
