you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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