I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
