the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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